New year: new me.
Every year when January 1st comes around I, like many other people, find myself swept up in the feeling of hope that comes with a new beginning. I see visions of a skinnier, fitter and better-rested me. A more organized version of myself who always makes time for her friends and never forgets to sign field-trip permission forms or refill lunch accounts.
I even carefully prepare by insisting that I won’t set myself up for failure by setting goals that are too much for me to reach.
I buy beautiful planners and fancy list apps for my phone. I brainstorm and plan. I set about the year cheerfully hoping for the best from myself.
Maybe you’re thinking this is the part where I tell you how badly I fail… how my resolutions last only a couple of months, or even just a few weeks. How I’m cruising through the Starbucks drive-thru again every morning by the end of January, or how I bought those cheap store-bought valentines for all 100 of my 4 children’s fellow students because I didn’t remember until February 13th to try to come up with something Pinterest-worthy.
Actually, no.
Sometimes I do fail miserably. But sometimes I am pretty successful. Sometimes I work extremely hard and start habits that last through the end of the school year, or even all year long. Sometimes I achieve a few of the goals I set for myself. Sometimes I finish the year feeling at least a tiny bit accomplished.
What is my point?
This year.
This year, I am struggling. I want to set so many goals for myself. I want to envision the most amazing version of myself for 2020. But I can’t… I am honestly a little worn out and struggling with faith in myself. I see my Facebook friends looking so motivated… and I feel so… blah.
And I feel that I am probably not alone.
The other day, I happened across a meme on Facebook that meant something to me. Here it is…
Surely I am the biggest hypocrite ever posting this… I don’t have the faintest idea how to love myself {I’ve learned in the last two years}, and especially not how to love myself as I am, instead of as I am just so sure that I could be.
But let that sink in for a minute as I did… let it calm your soul as it did mine.
New year, same me… but I’m going to love her better than ever.
Why all of the pressure to change ourselves? I have almost found a sort of freedom in releasing myself from the expectations of the New Year. Even if just this year… even if I do feel that there are things I much need to focus on improving next year, or even if I find myself setting new goals mid-year when I feel ready and able.
No, this is not an excuse.
This is a journey that I have already been tiptoeing carefully through, but now must be taken more seriously. This year, listing out ways to change and improve details of my life feels counterproductive to what truly needs to be accomplished here. Why not spend a while working on learning what it means to love ourselves for who we are instead of setting crazy expectations for how to change ourselves constantly?
#2020goals
New year, same me – but I’m going to work to learn how to love her better than ever.
